You will have to excuse me while I dump a wee bit.  I haven’t really dumped about this since my old blog, so here goes… W is going to be a full time school-boy next year.  I have put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself to find the following work situation:

  • Must finish at 2:30 pm, so that I am available at 3pm for motherhood.
  • Must not stress me out, so that I am emotionally available to handle motherhood.
  • Must be enjoyable/challenging enough to justify juggling motherhood.
  • Must make enough cash to justify juggling motherhood.

The craft business wasn’t right.  I did a few parties, but felt more like a party clown than a community builder.  That, and I have decided that I am not big on marketing myself.  I did not make business cards and basically told all of my friends not to call me.  Until/unless I can define exactly how I want to structure such a business, forget it.  Though, if any of you really want me to haul buckets of dye out at your block party, give me a call – but you have to be willing to have fun and get messy.  Unpretentious, creative, inclusive.  How do I structure a business that encourages people to embrace this ethic?  Our world needs more friendship hikes and tie dye parties.

Librarianship:  still working on it.  Over the past six years, I have had part-time fabulous and part-time soul-sucking.  I am willing to wait for fabulous, but it looks as though I will be competing against hundreds of applicants.  There are lots of unemployed librarians at the moment.  Hanging in there!

At my father-in law’s party there were four moms with school-aged kids.  All four of us have graduate degrees.  All four of us have decided to stay home with our kids full-time.  Our spouses work evenings and weekends and travel often…. and thankfully, make enough cash for us to stay home (I keep forgetting that the reason my mom was able to go crazy at work was because my dad had a predictable schedule).  Anyhow.  My point is that I know I am lucky (lucky!!) to have the choice to stay home with my kids.  I just can’t help but feel unsettled (chronically).  I really have to learn to meditate.  Yes.  My children need me to meditate.

My three babies are slowly becoming wonderfully independent.  Check out this lunch they made together:

But they still need me… in so so many, more complicated ways.  My 91 year-old grandmother always talks about how kids need you more when they are teenagers.  I love that she says this.  I love being a mom.

Funny, I was thinking about how most men wouldn’t understand how it feels to take 10-15 years off paid-work (during their 20-30-40s) to care for their kids.  It isn’t generally something they would ever consider.  For example, I know many men who wouldn’t even take a few weeks of Parental Leave because of the effect it would have had on their careers.  Then, I got to thinking about the few men I have met in the stay-at-home dad role.  I always assume they have some cool home-based business in the works.  Or some bent for photography or art.  Hmm…  there is a thought.  Cool, home-based business… photography, art, sewing… man.  I am all over the map here.


2 Responses to “motherhood”

  1. Maybe you need to be the librarian at the kids’ school! Or work with Erin at Collage Collage. Or open her North Van branch…
    I hear you. I’ve got 2 years before Leo is in full-day school. I’m hoping to build up my consulting business so that it fills school hours by then. But I feel similarly rigid about the work parameters – I don’t want to work any less or any more than 5 hours/day on weekdays and 0 hours/day on weekends. And only doing awesome things for lots of money. Easy – right???

  2. I hear you. I’ve got one in Kindergarten (mornings only) and a little one in daycare three days a week. My total work week without children around – 9 hrs/wk. Total work week with child(ren) in tow – the other 31 hours…. I don’t know you personally, but I do read your blog – and you seem really passionate about what you do and (not to sound cliche) that is key. Maybe the trick is to no worry about a plan – “the job”, “small business idea” – but keep creating, designing, making, exploring, sharing and who knows where things will end up in a year from now. As the Brits used to say during wartime: keep calm and carry on. As an aside, I really enjoy reading your blog – I’m originally from Ontario, but lived in Vancouver for 10 years (grad school etc), now living in Southern California, your blog always gives me my Canadian fix – so thanks!

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